Anxiety, now thats an understatement!

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind
2 Tim. 1:7


Those who know very well me know that for, oh, fifteen years or so I've had a problem. It's something commonly referred to as "Anxiety Disorder". It's miserable and the name should be "Fear Disorder". I don't feel anxious, I feel scared, even terrified at times. It turns a relatively normal (and I use normal loosely) woman into a frantic mess who feels that her end is coming any moment as it gets harder to breathe, chest gets tight, throat feels swollen, and it all spirals out of control. Not fun! But as with everything else in my life that I don't understand, trying to understand this problem fills my thoughts regularly. I've spent countless hours trying to figure out how a relatively intelligent, logical woman can spiral down so quickly into irrational and unfounded fear and worry.

Like the verse says above fear is not of God. And in I John 4:18 the Bible says "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love".  From this I can obviously see that my problem is not a God problem. HE gives power, and love and a sound mind, the 180 of the fear and anxiety and torment. HIS desire is for my heart and my mind to be at peace, to be of a sound mind living within HIS perfect love. You see, I know this is His desire for me, I am His child and His word says so. So why do I fear, why does this problem still exist in my life?

Well, I believe that more than an "Anxiety Disorder" I think I have a "Faith Problem". Like most other problems in life these tend to occur when my eyes have left the prize and when I'm holding on to the problems and worries in my life or often in my case terrifying events that may or may not ever occur in my life. In Isaiah the Bible says "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee". My mind and my trust. Two things that GOD desires to have fully and deserves fully yet they are so hard to hand over to HIM. Why? I have NO IDEA! I know GOD is in control, He holds the universe in His hands. Nothing can happen without His permission. He wants the best for His children and that means He wants the best for me. Yet I still worry and I still fret over those things unforseen in the future that may or may not occur in my life and keep myself from having His perfect peace.

So, I am determined to work on my "Faith Problem" and I'm praying that if I do my part to address this portion of the issue that in time the "Anxiety Disorder" will be something that used to be a problem but somehow simply faded away. God is able, if I'm willing to let go and get out of His way. That too is just another part of my learning process.

Until we meet again.........
Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord. Ps. 31:24

Oh, No! My Tongue!

Is it just me, or does anyone else have a love/ hate relationship with their tongue? Odd question? Maybe. But the more I think about it the more I wonder why God allows so many of us to keep this little, often well over worked, muscle. I mean it loves salty, crunchy food, so I eat food, so my hips hate my tongue!I am guilty, ashamedly so, of allowing this little muscle to flex in ways I know I shouldn't. And it happens so quickly! "Out of the Same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursin. My brethren, these things ought no be so" James 3:10 And I know this, but how quickly I forget when my eyes lose their focus and my gaze travels from HIM down to me. How quickly those thoughts form and turn into words laced with venom when MY feelings are hurt or I feel someone has done ME wrong or someone disagreed and I didn't get MY way. You see I noticed too recently how the virus of ME turns me into a me I don't want to be. I noticed in myself how quickly my tongue would spew based off of where my mind and my heart were. I noticed that those gossipy conversations I used to walk away from initially got a little easier to listen to and then even to join in on. I noticed how quickly my tongue when not guarded could cause more damage to a relationship in 5 minutes then it could repair in 5 months. And its all do to my focus on ME and my tongue is really the tattle tale, go figure. Unfortunately I haven't gotten trained quite yet, like everything else it too is a work in progress. But I'm trying and I'm sure I'll get a little better everyday as I draw my gaze back up.
P>S Im new to the whole blogging thing so if it seems a little out there........ well it probably is
Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth!
⁶ And the tongue [is] a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.
⁷ For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind:
⁸ But the tongue can no man tame; [it is] an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.


Atleast I'm not the first with this problem  :)